According to the National Crime Information Center (NCIC), as of December 31, 2007, there were 105,229 active missing person records.
America's Most Wanted calls it "America's Slient Epidemic." AMW states:
Every year, the media covers a few high-profile stories of adults who suddenly go missing, people like Chandra Levy or Laci Peterson. For each of these women's anguished families, there are untold numbers of other families who are coping with the agony and chaos that comes when a loved one is missing. Most of those families will never gain the closure that Chandra's and Laci's families found. Instead, they may spend years wondering about the fate of their loved one.
Tonight I bumped into another online resource that provides a wealth of supportive material. It's called "Someone Is Missng," and has an Australian URL: http://www.missingpersons.org.au/index.htm. Here are four paragraphs that seem quite pertinent to what our own family is going through right now:
However, the disappearance of a loved one creates a unique situation. There is much confusion about where the missing is and whether they will return. This brings about feelings of uncertainty, doubt, and insecurity. These feelings were described by those who participated in the Henderson and Henderson study:
“The survey asked what was considered to be the most difficult part of the whole experience. People often identified the uncertainty, for example, not knowing whether the missing person was safe… not knowing where the person might be… or just ‘not knowing’ generally… Other issues identified included dealing with the emotions generated… and accepting that the missing person had left home… Others mentioned not knowing why the missing person left… feelings of helplessness and not knowing what action to take… the waiting… diverse issues relating to police action (such as waiting for 24 hours) or concerns about whether and when to report the person missing to police… and how to deal with the missing person when located or returned home” .
This situation cannot compare with losing a loved one through death. When someone dies family members and friends can attempt to seek closure. They know the whereabouts of their loved one; they can mourn their loss, and they have the opportunity to say goodbye. This is reinforced by conventional social practices. When an individual dies funerals often take place. These rituals are used to mark the event and aid the grieving process for family members and friends.
However, when someone has disappeared there is no comparable ritual. The family members and friends may be living in a cloud of doubt not knowing where their loved one is, or if they are safe . Some academics call this disenfranchised grief or ambiguous loss because the loss felt by those left behind is confusing and unclear.
My own experience is somewhat removed from the above description in that I am an uncle, and not part of the immediate nuclear family of the lost person. Nevertheless, I have found myself moving through stages of grief, and in an entirely unpredictable manner. Initially, when the family was informed Kellyann (my niece) was missing, I experienced great concern. Within a couple of days I found myself at times feeling a sense of loss. I wasn't sure what to do with that because we didn't at all know if something serious had befallen Kellyann, or whether she had simply wondered off in an extreme attempt to start a new life. Since the later possibility was just as likely I also found at times a strange mixture of compassion and anger - compassion for what inner conflicts might have driven her to such an extreme, and anger for the toll this disordered cry for help was taking on her family. And then too there is guilt. How might I have been a better uncle? If I wasn't so self-obsessed and always playing it safe in terms of family relationships might I have played a more helpful role in Kellyann's life?
I have also seen elements of the same grief cycle played out in my prayer life as I have lifted up Kellyann to the Lord, along with her father (my older brother), her grandparents (my parents), and Kellyann's siblings. Most of the time my prayers are the run of the mill rational approaches to problem solving, by asking God to intervene in all the elements of the investigation and the family crisis. But there are times when my heart just aches for Kellyann's ordeal, and amidst tears I hear myself crying out, "You find that girl! You take up her cause! You bring it to light!" I can't imagine what her father is going through. But, I hope and pray he can find some strength in knowing that the heavenly Father too knew overwhelming grief, and had to enduring the unimaginable horror of watching his beloved child being nailed to a tree.
Today I was thinking about the amazing ability our God has to take absolutely horrendous events and turn them into some kind of a victory that overflows to many. Who would have believed that Joseph's being sold into slavery by his brothers would result in the salvation of the Jewish people? Who would have believed that nailing this fully-God, fully-man Jesus to a cross would result in the complete salvation of all who would believe and trust in his name? Who would have believed the stoning of Stephen would have led to a transformational change in Paul, who would then go on to become the apostle to the Gentiles, and deliver the foundational doctrines and teachings to the church? And, who would have believed the great and horrendous persecution against Christians that broke out in the first century would have resulted in the spreading of the gospel of Jesus Christ throughout the world?
To be sure there are many horrendous things that have happened. And, the good coming out of them does not make the events themselves any less horrendous, any less unjust, any less tragic, any less pain-filled. But, it helps to know God can overcome those evils and bring something valuable and eternally worthy of thanks and praise out of them.
Help us to remember, O Lord. You are sovereign. You reign. And you can bring good where we only see evil. Do that now, Lord. Don't let Satan get the last word in this. Amen.
